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Ambrose Bierce
HATCHET, n. A...
HATCHET, n. A young axe, known among Indians as a Thomashawk.
Source: The Devil's...
GOOD, adj. Sensible,...
GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him...
GOUT, n. A...
GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
Source: The...
GRAMMAR, n. A...
GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he...
FRIENDSHIP, n. A...
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
HISTORIAN, n. A...
HISTORIAN, n. A broad-gauge gossip.
Source: The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.
--...
GUILLOTINE, n. A...
GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
HARMONISTS, n. A...
HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were...
HABEAS CORPUS. A...
HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong...
FUNERAL, n. A...
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief...
HISTORY, n. An...
HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves,...
HANDKERCHIEF, n. A...
HANDKERCHIEF, n. A small square of silk or linen, used in various ignoble offices about the face and especially...
HASH, x. There...
HASH, x. There is no definition for this word -- nobody knows what hash is.
Source:...
HABIT, n. A...
HABIT, n. A shackle for the free.
Source: The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.
--...
GRAVE, n. A...
GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
HOMOEOPATHY, n. A...
HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are...
HEART, n. Figuratively,...
HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known...
HIPPOGRIFF, n. An...
HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a compound creature,...
HARBOR, n. A...
HARBOR, n. A place where ships taking shelter from storms are exposed to the fury of...
GUNPOWDER, n. An...
GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if...