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Ambrose Bierce
DIARY, n. A...
DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without...
ECCENTRICITY, n. A...
ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their...
DICTIONARY, n. A...
DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic....
DISSEMBLE, v.i. To...
DISSEMBLE, v.i. To put a clean shirt upon the character.
Source: The Devil's...
DEBT, n. An...
DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.
DISTANCE, n. The...
DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and...
EGOTIST, n. A...
EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Source:...
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To...
DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than...
DOG, n. A...
DOG, n. A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master...
DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable...
DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack.
Source: The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.
--...
DIVINATION, n. The...
DIVINATION, n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties...
ELECTRICITY, n. The...
ELECTRICITY, n. The power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else....
DRAMATIST, n. One...
DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French.
Source: The Devil's Dictionary,...
DRAGOON, n. A...
DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his...
DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant...
DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his...
EAT, v.i. To...
EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and...
EMOTION, n. A...
EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a...
DUTY, n. That...
DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of...
ECONOMY, n. Purchasing...
ECONOMY, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot...
DIE, n. The...
DIE, n. The singular of dice. We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, Never say...