Ambrose Bierce

DIARY, n. A...

DIARY, n. A...

DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without...

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ECCENTRICITY, n. A...

ECCENTRICITY, n. A...

ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their...

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DICTIONARY, n. A...

DICTIONARY, n. A...

DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic....

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DISSEMBLE, v.i. To...

DISSEMBLE, v.i. To...

DISSEMBLE, v.i. To put a clean shirt upon the character.

Source: The Devil's...

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DEBT, n. An...

DEBT, n. An...

DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.

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DISTANCE, n. The...

DISTANCE, n. The...

DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and...

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EGOTIST, n. A...

EGOTIST, n. A...

EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Source:...

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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To...

DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To...

DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than...

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DOG, n. A...

DOG, n. A...

DOG, n. A subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship . . . . [H]is master...

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DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable...

DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable...

DEFENCELESS, adj. Unable to attack.

Source: The Devil's Dictionary, 1911.
--...

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DIVINATION, n. The...

DIVINATION, n. The...

DIVINATION, n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties...

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ELECTRICITY, n. The...

ELECTRICITY, n. The...

ELECTRICITY, n. The power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else....

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DRAMATIST, n. One...

DRAMATIST, n. One...

DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French.

Source: The Devil's Dictionary,...

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DRAGOON, n. A...

DRAGOON, n. A...

DRAGOON, n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his...

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant...

DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant...

DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his...

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EAT, v.i. To...

EAT, v.i. To...

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and...

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EMOTION, n. A...

EMOTION, n. A...

EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a...

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DUTY, n. That...

DUTY, n. That...

DUTY, n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of...

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ECONOMY, n. Purchasing...

ECONOMY, n. Purchasing...

ECONOMY, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot...

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DIE, n. The...

DIE, n. The...

DIE, n. The singular of dice. We seldom hear the word, because there is a prohibitory proverb, Never say...

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