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Success is a great deodorant. -Elizabeth Taylor |
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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Source:...
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend -- I didn't bother with him.
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You...
I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.
Source: In The...
Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside...
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
Source:...
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets...
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Source: From an...
Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too...
If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt...
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up...
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Source: In 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said,...
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Source: From a...
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention...