Fred Allen

Fred Allen: A molehill man...

Fred Allen: A molehill man...

A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5...

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Fred Allen: Where were you...

Fred Allen: Where were you...

Where were you fellows when the paper was blank?

Source: Said to writers who...

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Fred Allen: A conference is...

Fred Allen: A conference is...

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be...

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Fred Allen: An actor's popularity...

Fred Allen: An actor's popularity...

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas...

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Fred Allen: A telescope will...

Fred Allen: A telescope will...

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even...

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Fred Allen: Hanging is too...

Fred Allen: Hanging is too...

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

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Fred Allen: If the grass...

Fred Allen: If the grass...

If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard -- let him worry about cutting it.

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Fred Allen: Most of us...

Fred Allen: Most of us...

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop...

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Fred Allen: We are living...

Fred Allen: We are living...

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with...

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Fred Allen: A celebrity is...

Fred Allen: A celebrity is...

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being...

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Fred Allen: Hollywood is a...

Fred Allen: Hollywood is a...

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Source:...

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Fred Allen: He dreamed he...

Fred Allen: He dreamed he...

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

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Fred Allen: Her hat is...

Fred Allen: Her hat is...

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after...

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Fred Allen: I can't understand...

Fred Allen: I can't understand...

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few...

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Fred Allen: You can take...

Fred Allen: You can take...

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three...

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Fred Allen: The American arrives...

Fred Allen: The American arrives...

The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a...

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Fred Allen: I always have...

Fred Allen: I always have...

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and -- I can't remember what the third thing...

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Fred Allen: Imitation is the...

Fred Allen: Imitation is the...

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Source: In The Ultimate Success...

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Fred Allen: It is probably...

Fred Allen: It is probably...

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which...

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Fred Allen: After quitting radio...

Fred Allen: After quitting radio...

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

Source:...

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