Woody Allen

Woody Allen: Interestingly, according to...

Woody Allen: Interestingly, according to...

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for...

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Woody Allen: What if everything...

Woody Allen: What if everything...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my...

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Woody Allen: What if nothing...

Woody Allen: What if nothing...

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row...

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Woody Allen: My one regret...

Woody Allen: My one regret...

My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.

Source: In The Ultimate Success...

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Woody Allen: I don't want...

Woody Allen: I don't want...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work . . . I want to achieve it through not...

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Woody Allen: I don't wanna...

Woody Allen: I don't wanna...

I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red...

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Woody Allen: I don't respond...

Woody Allen: I don't respond...

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to. . . if I get too mellow, I ripen and then...

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Woody Allen: And my parents...

Woody Allen: And my parents...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they rent out my...

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Woody Allen: A relationship, I...

Woody Allen: A relationship, I...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we...

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Woody Allen: Some guy hit...

Woody Allen: Some guy hit...

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those...

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Woody Allen: I think crime...

Woody Allen: I think crime...

I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot.

Source: In Webster's...

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Woody Allen: I've never been...

Woody Allen: I've never been...

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Source: International Herald...

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Woody Allen: Capital punishment would...

Woody Allen: Capital punishment would...

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the...

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Woody Allen: Comedy just pokes...

Woody Allen: Comedy just pokes...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is...

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Woody Allen: If man were...

Woody Allen: If man were...

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?

Source: In...

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Woody Allen: I will not...

Woody Allen: I will not...

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.

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Woody Allen: Hey, don't knock...

Woody Allen: Hey, don't knock...

Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.

Source: Alvy Singer...

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Woody Allen: In California, they...

Woody Allen: In California, they...

In California, they don't throw garbage away -- they make it into TV shows.

Source:...

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Woody Allen: I'm short enough...

Woody Allen: I'm short enough...

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Source: Play It Again...

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Woody Allen: Money is better...

Woody Allen: Money is better...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Source: Without...

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