W C Fields

W C Fields: My illness is...

W C Fields: My illness is...

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless...

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W C Fields: Women are like...

W C Fields: Women are like...

Women are like elephants to me; they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one.

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W C Fields: I didn't squawk...

W C Fields: I didn't squawk...

I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside...

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W C Fields: Once, during Prohibition,...

W C Fields: Once, during Prohibition,...

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

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W C Fields: The cost of...

W C Fields: The cost of...

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

Source: In The Ultimate...

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