Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.
Source: Attributed.
-- Mickey Rooney, (Sep 23 1920-2014), US actor; His noted movies include A Midsummer Night's Dream and National Velvet.