Existence is a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

If you describe things as better than they are, you are considered to be a romantic; if you describe things as worse than they are, you will be called a realist; and if you describe things exactly as they are, you will be thought of as a satirist.

Tears were to me what glass beads are to African traders.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last instalment missing.