Fran Lebowitz

Radio news is...

Radio news is...

Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed...

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If your sexual...

If your sexual...

If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be...

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Food is an...

Food is an...

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Source: Metropolitan Life, 'Food for...

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Do not allow...

Do not allow...

Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

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The best fame...

The best fame...

The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you...

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Great people talk...

Great people talk...

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about...

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There is no...

There is no...

There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise...

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Stand firm in...

Stand firm in...

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as...

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Children are rarely...

Children are rarely...

Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and...

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The telephone is...

The telephone is...

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

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Women who insist...

Women who insist...

Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent...

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Don't bother discussing...

Don't bother discussing...

Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.

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A salad is...

A salad is...

A salad is not a meal. It is a style.

Source: In Webster's Electronic Quotebase,...

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Spilling your guts...

Spilling your guts...

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

Source: Social...

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You can't go...

You can't go...

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people...

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. . .to...

. . .to...

. . .to me the outdoors is what you have to pass through in order to get from your apartment into a...

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If you are...

If you are...

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget...

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Large, naked, raw...

Large, naked, raw...

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting...

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Vegetables are interesting...

Vegetables are interesting...

Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of...

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Humility is no...

Humility is no...

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

Source: Metropolitan Life,...

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