Erma Bombeck

I take a...

I take a...

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18...

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One thing they...

One thing they...

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are...

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Next to hot...

Next to hot...

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most...

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There is a...

There is a...

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. And how do you know...

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When humor goes,...

When humor goes,...

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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A child develops...

A child develops...

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the...

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Women are never...

Women are never...

Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift...

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Guilt: the gift...

Guilt: the gift...

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Source: Quoted by John Skow Time, 2 Jul...

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When my kids...

When my kids...

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb...

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Never accept a...

Never accept a...

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

Source: In

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I am not...

I am not...

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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The grass is...

The grass is...

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

Source: From Charades, an...

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The only reason...

The only reason...

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

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It goes without...

It goes without...

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

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You hear a...

You hear a...

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big...

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