S J Perelman

S J Perelman: He bit his...

S J Perelman: He bit his...

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite...

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S J Perelman: English life, while...

S J Perelman: English life, while...

English life, while very pleasant, is rather bland. I expected kindness and gentility and I found it, but there is...

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S J Perelman: Under a forehead...

S J Perelman: Under a forehead...

Under a forehead roughly comparable to that of Javanese and Piltdown man are visible a pair of tiny pig eyes, lit up...

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S J Perelman: When you try...

S J Perelman: When you try...

When you try to be funny in every line, you place an intolerable burden not only on yourself but on the reader. You...

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S J Perelman: I've got Bright's...

S J Perelman: I've got Bright's...

I've got Bright's disease and he's got mine.

Source: Attributed.
-- S J...

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S J Perelman: I'll dispose of...

S J Perelman: I'll dispose of...

I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by...

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S J Perelman: The main obligation...

S J Perelman: The main obligation...

The main obligation is to amuse yourself.

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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S J Perelman: Love is not...

S J Perelman: Love is not...

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

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S J Perelman: A dreary industrial...

S J Perelman: A dreary industrial...

A dreary industrial town controlled by hoodlums of enormous wealth, the ethical sense of a pack of jackals and taste...

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S J Perelman: There were times,...

S J Perelman: There were times,...

There were times, when I drove along the Sunset Strip and looked at those buildings or when I watched the fashionable...

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