George Carlin

George Carlin: There's no present....

George Carlin: There's no present....

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Source:...

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George Carlin: I was a...

George Carlin: I was a...

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend -- I didn't bother with him.

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George Carlin: We're having something...

George Carlin: We're having something...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You...

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George Carlin: I went straight...

George Carlin: I went straight...

I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.

Source: In The...

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George Carlin: Comedy is a...

George Carlin: Comedy is a...

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside...

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George Carlin: Let a smile...

George Carlin: Let a smile...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Source:...

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George Carlin: Frisbeetarianism is the...

George Carlin: Frisbeetarianism is the...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets...

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George Carlin: The day after...

George Carlin: The day after...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Source: From an...

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George Carlin: Some people think...

George Carlin: Some people think...

Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too...

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George Carlin: If you can't...

George Carlin: If you can't...

If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

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George Carlin: Oh Beautiful for...

George Carlin: Oh Beautiful for...

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt...

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George Carlin: I'm completely in...

George Carlin: I'm completely in...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up...

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George Carlin: Weather forecast for...

George Carlin: Weather forecast for...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Source: In 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said,...

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George Carlin: May the forces...

George Carlin: May the forces...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Source: From a...

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George Carlin: Well, if crime...

George Carlin: Well, if crime...

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention...

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