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Erma Bombeck
It seemed rather...
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of...
My mind works...
My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.
Source: In Words of Women...
The suburbs were...
The suburbs were discovered, quite by accident, one day in the early 1940's by a Welcome Wagon lady who was...
Good kids are...
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how...
Don't confuse fame...
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Source:...
Never go to...
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Source: In 1,911 Best Things...
It is fast...
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the...
I worry about...
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .
I've been on...
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. BY all accounts, I should be...
I do not...
I do not participate in a sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Source:...
Anybody who watches...
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
It is not...
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and...
Humor is a...
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of...
The bad times...
The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to...
When I stand...
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and...
I take a...
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18...
One thing they...
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are...
Next to hot...
Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most...
There is a...
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. And how do you know...
When humor goes,...
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Source: In Webster's Electronic...