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Lauren Bacall: I'm not the...

Lauren Bacall: I'm not the...

I'm not the public.

Source: On being told that a store was not open to the...

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Lillian Gish: The stage was...

Lillian Gish: The stage was...

The stage was our school, our home, our life.

Source: Describing her and her sister...

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Carol Burnett: Celebrity was a...

Carol Burnett: Celebrity was a...

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

Source:...

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Whoopi Goldberg: I told her...

Whoopi Goldberg: I told her...

I told her I would play a Venetian blind, dirt on the floor, anything.

Source:...

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Sandra Bernhard: On one side...

Sandra Bernhard: On one side...

On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson. On the other side, you have vulgar...

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Red Skelton: I'm nuts and...

Red Skelton: I'm nuts and...

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

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Robin Williams: The only people...

Robin Williams: The only people...

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, Will you be sitting in armed or...

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Robin Williams: Spring is nature's...

Robin Williams: Spring is nature's...

Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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Joe E Lewis: I told my...

Joe E Lewis: I told my...

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate...

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Ed Howe: When I was...

Ed Howe: When I was...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so...

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Woody Allen: Man consists of...

Woody Allen: Man consists of...

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

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Woody Allen: You can live...

Woody Allen: You can live...

You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100.

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Bill Cosby: Men and women...

Bill Cosby: Men and women...

Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its...

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Joey Adams: Of course, it's...

Joey Adams: Of course, it's...

Of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad...

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Joey Adams: Do not worry...

Joey Adams: Do not worry...

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

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Mel Brooks: He who hesitates...

Mel Brooks: He who hesitates...

He who hesitates is poor.

Source: from 'The Producers'
-- Mel Brooks, (Jun 28...

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Joan Rivers: I succeeded by...

Joan Rivers: I succeeded by...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Source: In An Uncommon Scold,...

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Dennis Miller: Technology is fine....

Dennis Miller: Technology is fine....

Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leave them there and...

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Dennis Miller: If you get...

Dennis Miller: If you get...

If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made a serious vocational...

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Harriet Monroe: Surely the vogue...

Harriet Monroe: Surely the vogue...

Surely the vogue of those twisted and contorted human figures must be as short as it is...

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