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Ed Howe: I have a...

Ed Howe: I have a...

I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.

Source: From an...

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Bob Hope: I do benefits...

Bob Hope: I do benefits...

I do benefits for all religions -- I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

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Ed Howe: Some mornings, it's...

Ed Howe: Some mornings, it's...

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Source:...

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Ed Howe: People always ask...

Ed Howe: People always ask...

People always ask me, Where were you when Kennedy was shot? Well, I don't have an alibi.

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Ed Howe: A computer once...

Ed Howe: A computer once...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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Woody Allen: My success has...

Woody Allen: My success has...

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.

Source: From...

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Bill Cosby: You can turn...

Bill Cosby: You can turn...

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything -- even poverty -- you can...

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Jay Leno: The New England...

Jay Leno: The New England...

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an...

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Joan Rivers: People say that...

Joan Rivers: People say that...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key...

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Steven Spielberg: People have forgotten...

Steven Spielberg: People have forgotten...

People have forgotten how to tell a story. Stories don't have a middle or an end any more. They usually have a...

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Steven Spielberg: There is a...

Steven Spielberg: There is a...

There is a fine line between censorship and good taste and moral responsibility.

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Luis Bunuel: In the name...

Luis Bunuel: In the name...

In the name of Hippocrates, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man:...

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Huddie Leadbelly Ledbetter: One of the...

Huddie Leadbelly Ledbetter: One of the...

One of the songs I'm gonna sing is We all in the same boat brother. You rock it too far to the right you fall in the...

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Miles Davis: When you work...

Miles Davis: When you work...

When you work with great musicians, they are always a part of you . . . their spirits are walking around in me, so...

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Paul McCartney: The issues are...

Paul McCartney: The issues are...

The issues are the same. We wanted peace on earth, love, and understanding between everyone around the world. We have...

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Louis Armstrong: Never play a...

Louis Armstrong: Never play a...

Never play a thing the same way twice.

Source: In The Speaker's Electronic...

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Louis Armstrong: Musicians don't retire;...

Louis Armstrong: Musicians don't retire;...

Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them.

Source: In...

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Victor Borge: If I have...

Victor Borge: If I have...

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

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Alice Childress: Who wants to...

Alice Childress: Who wants to...

Who wants to live with one foot in hell just for the sake of nostalgia? Our time is forever...

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Samuel Goldwyn: I read part...

Samuel Goldwyn: I read part...

I read part of it all the way through.

Source: Attr., quoted in Philip French, The...

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