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Red Skelton: All men make...

Red Skelton: All men make...

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Source: In 1,911...

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Robin Williams: Comedy is acting...

Robin Williams: Comedy is acting...

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Source: In The Speaker's Electronic Reference...

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Bob Hope: I don't generally...

Bob Hope: I don't generally...

I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap.

Source:...

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Bill Cosby: That married couples...

Bill Cosby: That married couples...

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has...

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Joey Adams: If you break...

Joey Adams: If you break...

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

Source:...

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Mel Brooks: If Shaw and...

Mel Brooks: If Shaw and...

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.

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Joan Rivers: Your anger can...

Joan Rivers: Your anger can...

Your anger can be 49 % and your comedy 51 %, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 %, the comedy is...

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Dennis Miller: Trends don't mean...

Dennis Miller: Trends don't mean...

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I wouldn't care if...

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Frank Capra: Don't follow trends,...

Frank Capra: Don't follow trends,...

Don't follow trends, start trends.

Source: In Friendly Advice, ed. Jon Winokur,...

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Alfred Hitchcock: I understand the...

Alfred Hitchcock: I understand the...

I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under...

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Federico Fellini: There is no...

Federico Fellini: There is no...

There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the infinite passion of life.

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Billy Wilder: I've met a...

Billy Wilder: I've met a...

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Source:...

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Billy Wilder: Shoot a few...

Billy Wilder: Shoot a few...

Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award.

Source: In...

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Sacha Guitry: When a man...

Sacha Guitry: When a man...

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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Judy Collins: I don't know...

Judy Collins: I don't know...

I don't know where my songs come from . . . If I knew, I'd know too much, more than we are allowed on this...

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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts: Ambition is like...

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts: Ambition is like...

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus's-flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog...

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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts: When you die,...

Jack Handey Deep Thoughts: When you die,...

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a...

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Robert Orben: Every morning, I...

Robert Orben: Every morning, I...

Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to...

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Chet Atkins: Once you become...

Chet Atkins: Once you become...

Once you become predictable, no one's interested anymore.

Source: In The Book of...

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Alice Childress: Some feminists feel...

Alice Childress: Some feminists feel...

Some feminists feel that a woman should never be wrong. We have a right to be wrong.

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