Erma Bombeck

I was thirty-seven...

I was thirty-seven...

I was thirty-seven when I went to work writing the column. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social...

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Dreams have only...

Dreams have only...

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

Source: In...

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It takes a...

It takes a...

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

Source: In The...

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If you can't...

If you can't...

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

Source: In The Speaker's...

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Seize the moment....

Seize the moment....

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert...

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It seemed rather...

It seemed rather...

It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of...

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My mind works...

My mind works...

My mind works . . . two boobs never get me a job.

Source: In Words of Women...

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The suburbs were...

The suburbs were...

The suburbs were discovered, quite by accident, one day in the early 1940's by a Welcome Wagon lady who was...

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Good kids are...

Good kids are...

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how...

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Don't confuse fame...

Don't confuse fame...

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Source:...

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Never go to...

Never go to...

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Source: In 1,911 Best Things...

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It is fast...

It is fast...

It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the...

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I worry about...

I worry about...

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. . . .

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I've been on...

I've been on...

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. BY all accounts, I should be...

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I do not...

I do not...

I do not participate in a sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.

Source:...

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Anybody who watches...

Anybody who watches...

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

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It is not...

It is not...

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and...

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Humor is a...

Humor is a...

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of...

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The bad times...

The bad times...

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going to...

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When I stand...

When I stand...

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and...

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