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Steve Martin: Chaos in the...

Steve Martin: Chaos in the...

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

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Ed Howe: When I was...

Ed Howe: When I was...

When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious,...

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Bob Hope: Middle age is...

Bob Hope: Middle age is...

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Source: In...

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Ed Howe: How many people...

Ed Howe: How many people...

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Source:...

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Ed Howe: A computer once...

Ed Howe: A computer once...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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Bill Cosby: The truth is...

Bill Cosby: The truth is...

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

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Bill Cosby: The very first...

Bill Cosby: The very first...

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully...

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Mel Brooks: He who hesitates...

Mel Brooks: He who hesitates...

He who hesitates is poor.

Source: from 'The Producers'
-- Mel Brooks, (Jun 28...

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Jay Leno: If God had...

Jay Leno: If God had...

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

Source: In The...

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Jay Leno: The New England...

Jay Leno: The New England...

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an...

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Phyllis Diller: We spend the...

Phyllis Diller: We spend the...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling...

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Jackie Moms Mabley: The teenagers ain't...

Jackie Moms Mabley: The teenagers ain't...

The teenagers ain't all bad. I love 'ern if nobody else does. There ain't nothin' wrong with young people. Jus' quit...

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Rita Rudner: My husband and...

Rita Rudner: My husband and...

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our...

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Rita Rudner: To attract men,...

Rita Rudner: To attract men,...

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.''

Source: From a...

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Lucille Ball: I'm not funny....

Lucille Ball: I'm not funny....

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

Source: Quoted by Bob Hope.
-- Lucille Ball,...

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Lucille Ball: The secret of...

Lucille Ball: The secret of...

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

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Reba McEntire: Growing up is...

Reba McEntire: Growing up is...

Growing up is not being so dead-set on making everybody happy.

Source: In The Book...

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Frank Capra: Don't follow trends,...

Frank Capra: Don't follow trends,...

Don't follow trends, start trends.

Source: In Friendly Advice, ed. Jon Winokur,...

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Victor Borge: If I have...

Victor Borge: If I have...

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

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Samuel Goldwyn: Why should people...

Samuel Goldwyn: Why should people...

Why should people go out and pay to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for...

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