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Will Rogers: There ought to...

Will Rogers: There ought to...

There ought to be one day -- just one -- where there is open season on senators.

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Mae West: You can say...

Mae West: You can say...

You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.

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Woody Allen: What if everything...

Woody Allen: What if everything...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my...

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Woody Allen: I don't wanna...

Woody Allen: I don't wanna...

I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red...

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Woody Allen: In California, they...

Woody Allen: In California, they...

In California, they don't throw garbage away -- they make it into TV shows.

Source:...

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Woody Allen: My brain: it's...

Woody Allen: My brain: it's...

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

Source: Sleeper.
-- Woody Allen, (Dec 1...

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Woody Allen: Death is an...

Woody Allen: Death is an...

Death is an acquired trait.

Source: Woody Allen and His Comedy, (E. Lax)
--...

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Elayne Boosler: To listen to...

Elayne Boosler: To listen to...

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

Source: In The Speaker's...

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Ogden Nash: Every New Year...

Ogden Nash: Every New Year...

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

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Ogden Nash: Progress might've been...

Ogden Nash: Progress might've been...

Progress might've been alright once but it has gone on too long.

Source: In 1,911...

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Ogden Nash: One man's remorse...

Ogden Nash: One man's remorse...

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Source: A Clean Conscience Never...

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Ogden Nash: Candy,<br>Is dandy,<br>But Liquor,<br>Is...

Ogden Nash: Candy,
Is dandy,
But Liquor,
Is...

Candy,
Is dandy,
But Liquor,
Is quicker.


Source: Reflections on...

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Ogden Nash: Your hair may...

Ogden Nash: Your hair may...

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's
untidy,
You've had about seven hours' sleep since Friday,
No...

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Oscar Wilde: Men become old,...

Oscar Wilde: Men become old,...

Men become old, but they never become good.

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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Oscar Wilde: Men always want...

Oscar Wilde: Men always want...

Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last...

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Oscar Wilde: The greatest of...

Oscar Wilde: The greatest of...

The greatest of all sins is stupidity.

Source: In The Ultimate Success Quotations...

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Oscar Wilde: The salesman knows...

Oscar Wilde: The salesman knows...

The salesman knows nothing of what he is selling save that he is charging a great deal too much for...

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Oscar Wilde: The mind of...

Oscar Wilde: The mind of...

The mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-?-brac shop, all monsters and...

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Oscar Wilde: Nowadays most people...

Oscar Wilde: Nowadays most people...

Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one...

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William Shakespeare: I have a...

William Shakespeare: I have a...

I have a kind of alacrity in sinking.

Source: The Merry Wives of Windsor, III. v....

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