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Candice Bergen: When are you...

Candice Bergen: When are you...

When are you going to realize that if it doesn't apply to me it doesn't matter?

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Barbra Streisand: I arrived in...

Barbra Streisand: I arrived in...

I arrived in Hollywood without having my nose fixed, my teeth capped, or my name changed. That is very gratifying to...

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Barbra Streisand: What is exciting...

Barbra Streisand: What is exciting...

What is exciting is not for one person to be stronger than the other . . . but for two people to have met their match...

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Liza Minnelli: Reality is something...

Liza Minnelli: Reality is something...

Reality is something you rise above.

Source: In The Book of Quotes, by Barbara...

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Camille Paglia: Minerva save us...

Camille Paglia: Minerva save us...

Minerva save us from the cloying syrup of coercive compassion!

Source: The Big...

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Les Brown: Believe that you...

Les Brown: Believe that you...

Believe that you possess a basic goodness, which is the foundation for the greatness you can ultimately...

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Les Brown: Anytime you suffer...

Les Brown: Anytime you suffer...

Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.

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John Lee  Hooker: Poor people have...

John Lee Hooker: Poor people have...

Poor people have the blues because they're poor and hungry. Rich people can't sleep at night because they're trying to...

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Gypsy Rose Lee: Anything worth doing...

Gypsy Rose Lee: Anything worth doing...

Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly.

Source:
-- Gypsy Rose Lee,...

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Agnes George DeMille: The practice mirror...

Agnes George DeMille: The practice mirror...

The practice mirror is to be used for the correction of faults, not for a love affair, and the figure you watch should...

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Steven Wright: You can't have...

Steven Wright: You can't have...

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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Henny Youngman: I bet on...

Henny Youngman: I bet on...

I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Source:...

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Harry Lauder: O! it's nice...

Harry Lauder: O! it's nice...

O! it's nice to get up in the mornin',
But it's nicer to stay in bed.


Source:...

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Jerry Stiller: Never go for...

Jerry Stiller: Never go for...

Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

Source:...

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Henny Youngman: When God sneezed,...

Henny Youngman: When God sneezed,...

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Source: NBC TV 28 Aug 86
-- Henny...

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Steven Wright: I got food...

Steven Wright: I got food...

I got food poisoning today. But I don't know when I'm going to use it.

Source: In...

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Steven Wright: Sponges grow in...

Steven Wright: Sponges grow in...

Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't?

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Steven Wright: It's a small...

Steven Wright: It's a small...

It's a small world but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Source: In Webster's Electronic...

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Jimi Hendrix: Blues is easy...

Jimi Hendrix: Blues is easy...

Blues is easy to play, but hard to feel.

Source: In Crosstown Traffic, ch. 6 by...

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Willie Nelson: I never gave...

Willie Nelson: I never gave...

I never gave up on country music because I knew what I was doing was not that bad.

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